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Once knew this escort, right? Called herself “Raven,” ooooh, fancy! Worked outta some dingy flat, smelled like cheap perfume. Told me – get this – some bloke paid her to just *talk*! No hanky-panky, just yappin’! “I like to be thorough,” he says, like in *Zodiac*, ha! Made me laugh, then mad – what a weirdo! Who’s got coin for that nonsense?

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But then, I get to the park, and there’s this group of kids playing football. They’re yelling and running around, and I’m like, “Man, I miss those days.” So, I join in. Yeah, I’m a grown man playing football with kids. But who cares? We’re having a blast! I score a goal, and they treat me like a legend. It’s hilarious.

Philip van der Wees appointed Professor of Allied Health Sciences