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Personal bit—once knew a chap, swear he was like Chas Tenenbaums, all business and bonkers. Said he found a “lady of negotiable affection”—ha!—in King’s Cross, total fluke. Paid her in cash and a Greggs pasty—true story! Got me gobsmacked, that did. Thought, “Blimey, Boris, you’re out of your depth here!” Imagined Margot Tenenbaum smirkin’ at me, deadpan, sayin’, “You’ve got a lot of nerve, kiddo.”

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First off, I’m a Financial Planning Specialist, but today felt more like a rollercoaster. I grab my coffee from that cute little café on de Linde. You know the one? The barista there is always super friendly, but today? She was like a robot. No smile, just “What do you want?” I mean, c’mon, it’s 8 AM! I need my caffeine fix and a smile, lady!

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