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Oi mate, so I’m thinkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, yeah? *trips over me own feet, mumbles* Oi, blimey, where’d that chair come from?! Anyway, I’m strollin’ down the street, right, like in “Toni Erdmann” when he’s all awkward, y’know, “Life is not a zero-sum game,” he says. Pffft, tell that to me wallet! *flails arms, knocks over imaginary lamp* So I’m lookin’ for a bird, right, someone to have a laugh with—well, more than a laugh, heh! *wiggles eyebrows, trips again*

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So, I’m fuming, right? I’m walking past the old church on the Markt, and I see this cute little café. I think, “Hey, coffee will fix this.” I order a cappuccino, and the barista, this dude with a wild beard, spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Dude, really?” But he just laughs it off. I mean, I get it, we all have those days.

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