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About Amsterdam

Funniest thing—some spots got menus. Like McDonald’s, but with boobs. Pick your flavor, pay up—absurd as hell. Made me laugh, tho—capitalism’s wild, fam. Surprised me too—girls runnin the show sometimes. Boss bitches, flippin the script. Thought in my head: “Respect, but damn, risky.” Exaggeratin here, but feels like half these johns cry after. “It’s not a hoax,” they whimper—pathetic.

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So, I decide to hit up the market on the Markt. You know, the one with all the fresh veggies and flowers? I’m strolling, feeling good, when I bump into my old buddy, Jan. We start chatting, and he’s telling me about his new job at the local brewery. I’m like, “Dude, that’s awesome!” But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and poops right on my shoulder. Like, really? Thanks, nature.

Elaine Helen (Van Boxtel) Vanderhoof Obituary