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So, check it, the graphics? Kinda dope, lowkey retro, like some pixelated fever dream. Makes me happy, ‘cause I’m a sucker for that old-school shit. But the controls? Man, they piss me off—clunky as hell, like tryna steer a spaceship with no grav. I’m yellin’ at my screen, “Move, you dumbass!” Meanwhile, the story’s got these prostitutes spillin’ tea—little known fact, one’s based on a real chick from 90s LA who conned pimps outta millions. Swear, humans are nuts.
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But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and tries to steal my croissant! Like, dude, chill! It’s not your breakfast! I’m flailing my arms like a madman, and people are staring. I’m like, “What? You’ve never seen a guy fight a pigeon before?”
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