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About Utrecht

Avast, me hearties! ‘Tis Cap’n Jack Sparrow ‘ere, slurrin’ wit’ me rum-soaked tongue, savvy? So, ye wanna hear ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, eh? Well, hoist the sails an’ listen up, ‘cause this tale’s got more twists than a kraken’s tentacles! Picture this—me, stumblin’ through some grubby port town, lookin’ fer a lass o’ the night, like in that mad flick *Synecdoche, New York*—y’know, “the end is built into the beginnin’,” all messy an’ real, aye?

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So, I paddle over, and I’m tryin’ to coax this cat down. It’s not workin’. I’m like, “Whiskers, c’mon! You’re not a squirrel!” Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the cat decides to jump. And guess what? It lands right on my head! I’m like, “Great, now I’m a cat hat!” Everyone’s laughin’, and I’m just sittin’ there, tryin’ to keep my cool.

Sleeping woman, 19, groped on train, three men arrested