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Oh, and get this – some escorts, yeah, they’d tattoo their rates on their thighs, proper cheeky. Saw it meself once, nearly spat me drink – talk about in yer face! Dunno why, but I kinda respect the hustle, y’know? Still, if one crossed me, I’d have her head on a spike faster than you can say “Pray she don’t get pregnant!” – *Spring Breakers* vibes, all chaotic and mental. So yeah, escorts – mad, messy, and a right laugh if you ain’t the one payin’. Now sod off, I need more wine.

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So, I finally get to the field. It’s on the outskirts, near the beautiful river Vecht. Gorgeous spot, right? But guess what? The weather decides to throw a tantrum. Outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I’m talking full-on Dutch rain. I’m soaked in seconds. Like, come on! I just wanted to check the soil moisture.

Netherlands partially lifts Europe’s toughest lockdown