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Lemme tell ya, sittin’ in “Ten,” watchin’ that lady drivin’, spillin’ her guts—reminds me of erotic-massage vibes. “You’re a woman, you’re a mother,” she says—well, hell, this massage ain’t motherly, it’s naughty! Hands roamin’ where they shouldn’t, kneadin’ knots outta yer soul. Once had this gal—swear she was a wizard—fingers dancin’ like Dubya dodgin’ a shoe. Felt like I’d died and gone to Crawford, y’all. Surprised me how it’s legal—well, sorta, depends on the joint.

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After work, I decide to stroll around. I hit up the Javaplein, and it’s buzzing with life. People everywhere, kids playing, and the smell of fresh stroopwafels wafting through the air. I grab one, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. Seriously, if you haven’t had one, you’re missing out.

Amsterdam police object to civilians observing stop-and-search trial