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Me? I’d be raging – “What’s this rubbish?!” – seeing some poor lass shivering, fake lashes falling off. Makes me wanna cook her a proper meal, not this street crap. But then – surprise! – some of ‘em are sharp as knives. One told me she’s got a degree, anthropology or some bollocks. Blew my mind! “You’re a copy of something else!” I’d yell, quoting the flick, cos she’s playing a role, innit?

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Then, outta nowhere, a pigeon swoops down and snatches a piece of my wrap! I’m like, “Hey! That’s my lunch!” But the pigeon just looks at me like, “Sorry, dude, I’m hungry too.” I laugh it off, but I’m still kinda mad. I mean, come on!

Explosion at Amsterdam coffeeshop aimed at owner's brother: report