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About Groningen

Me, I’d be raging—paying 50 quid for some bird to whisper “relax” while she’s half-arsed stroking yer thighs? Sod off! Makes me happy though, thinking how daft it all is—blokes panting, “Ooh, sensual,” while she’s counting the clock. Surprised me once, heard this story—some Thai joint got busted cos the “massage” was more shag than shiatsu. Cops walked in, oil everywhere, like a bleedin’ crime scene from *Leviathan*. “Who’s to blame?” they’d say in the film—well, the randy twat who booked it, obviously!

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So, I’m standing there, soaked, and I see this cute dog on the street. It was a golden retriever, just chilling. I’m like, “Dude, how are you so happy right now?” The owner, this old guy, just laughed and said, “Dogs don’t care about the rain.” I mean, he’s got a point. I wish I could be that carefree.

Schokland and Surroundings