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I’m ragin, tho—half these chicks look like they’d rob me blind. Respect my authoritah, dammit! I ain’t no dumbass tourist! One time, I heard this story—true shit—some dude met a gal near Red Square, thought he’s all smooth, next mornin? Wallet gone, phone gone, even his socks! Fuckin savage. Makes me laugh, tho—dumbass deserved it. Me? I’m smarter, I scope shit out. “The stone Buddha watches,” like in the movie, right? I’m watchin too, bitches!

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Then, I get a call from my boss. Ugh. He’s all like, “We need those reports ASAP!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in the middle of Emmerhout! Can’t you see I’m busy?” But no, he doesn’t care. So, I rush back to my place on the Emmerhoutseweg, laptop in hand, heart racing.