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Anyway, I’m all giddy thinkin’ bout it. Findin’ her, I mean. Maybe she’s got a cool hat. Or a pet fish! “Is her fish an instrument?” Haha, I’d ask that, watch her laugh. I’d be all, “Hey lady, need a table fixed?”—smooth, right? Prolly not. I’d trip over my boots first. Clumsy ol’ me!

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It is now possible to use an app to find an escort. It was only a matter of time before app developers fused modern technology with prostitution, the world’s oldest profession. Though .

So, I’m walking, minding my own business, when I see this old dude, right? He’s just standing there, staring at a tree. A TREE! I’m like, “Dude, you good?” He looks at me and says, “This tree has seen more than you’ll ever know.” I’m thinking, “Bro, it’s a tree.” But hey, who am I to judge? Maybe it’s a wise tree or something.

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