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Oh, and the cash? Psh, they ain’t takin Venmo, honey! Cold hard bills, stuffed in a bra or somethin—hilarious but real. I’d prolly overpay, cause I’m extra like that, screamin, “You’re worth it, boo!” Prolly scare her off with my loud ass. Once, I heard bout this gal who’d sing to clients—fuckin opera!—before gettin down. Quirky as hell, made me cackle.

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But she does recommend starting off with a search to find the best provider for you: “Google where you are and who you want to meet. If you’re after a specific service — kink, for example .

So, I’m walking, minding my own business, when I see this old dude, right? He’s just standing there, staring at a tree. A TREE! I’m like, “Dude, you good?” He looks at me and says, “This tree has seen more than you’ll ever know.” I’m thinking, “Bro, it’s a tree.” But hey, who am I to judge? Maybe it’s a wise tree or something.

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