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Me, I’d be rubbish at the whole game. I’d overthink it—*“Was it good for you?”*—like some twat in a romcom. Prossie’d be like, “Mate, it’s 50 quid, not a bleedin’ Oscar reel!” Reminds me of that line, *“Film it like Hollywood!”*—all fake glamour, innit? The reality’s more fag ends and damp mattresses. Still, there’s a mad charm to it—freedom, chaos, a big “fuck you” to the suits. I’d tip my hat to ‘em, cackle, and sod off home. Find a Prostitute? Nah, I’d rather watch the telly and slag it off!

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Finally, I get to the site. It’s a small house, but the lady, oh man, she’s a piece of work. She’s all like, “I need this done yesterday!” Lady, chill! I’m not a magician! So, I start measuring the windows, and guess what? I realize I forgot my favorite tool. The one I call “The Glass Whisperer.” Ugh! I could’ve screamed.

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