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Oi mate, gather round, lemme ramble—findin’ a prostitute, eh? Blimey, what a caper! Picture this, Zero Dark Thirty style—me, Boris, skulkin’ through London’s dodgy bits, huntin’ for intel like Jessica Chastain, but instead of bin Laden, it’s a lass for hire. “The night is dark,” I mutter, channellin’ that film’s grit, “and full of terrors—cor, where’s she at?”

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But then, I see this street performer. He’s playin’ the accordion, and honestly, he’s kinda good. I stop to listen. The rain’s pourin’, but I’m feelin’ the vibe. I toss him a couple of euros. He gives me a nod, and for a sec, I forget about my bad day.

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