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Surprised me, though—some of ‘em got stories. One lass told me she’s fundin’ art school! Fuckin’ hell, paintin’ by day, shaggin’ by night—respect! Little secret there, most punters don’t ask. They’re too busy fumblin’ their trousers, the twats. Me? I’m like, “Tell me more, you legend!” Quirky thought—wonder if Wes Anderson’d cast her in some twee flick?

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But then, outta nowhere, I get a call. It’s my buddy, Jeroen. He’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe this!” I’m thinking, “What now?” He tells me his grandma just passed. Like, seriously? I just helped a dude with his cat, and now this? I’m torn between feeling sad and just plain angry. Why’s life gotta throw curveballs like this?

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