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Oh, and get this—back in Victorian times, whores had secret codes. Like, wearin’ a red ribbon meant “I’m busy,” or some crap. Clever! Little tricks to survive. Makes ya wonder—what’s the modern version? Apps? Tweets? “Swipe right for a quickie”? Hilarious! I’m over here, fumblin’ with my phone, and they’re runnin’ a damn empire. Infuriating—why’m I so useless?

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But then, BAM! A soccer ball comes flying outta nowhere and hits me right in the leg. I’m like, “Seriously?!” I look up, and it’s a bunch of teenagers laughing their heads off. I’m torn between being mad and just laughing with them. So, I just shake my head and yell, “Watch where you’re kicking that thing!” They just wave me off. Kids these days, right?

Three LA Galaxy Academy players named to U.S. U-17 roster for 4 Nations Tournament