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About Myself
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Tips? Be smart, don’t be a dumbass. Cash upfront, no IOUs—prostitutes ain’t your mom. Check reviews if it’s online—yep, they got Yelp for this shit! Weird fact: In the ‘90s, some Russian hookers doubled as spies—KGB vibes, sleepin’ with diplomats for secrets. Wild, right? I’m over here cacklin’—imagine Putin pimpin’ on the side. “I can’t quit you, comrade!”
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Then, outta nowhere, my neighbor, Mrs. van Dijk, pops in. She’s this sweet old lady who always wants to chat. “Oh dear, what happened here?” she asks, eyes wide. I’m like, “Just a little flour explosion, no biggie.” She chuckles and hands me a bag of apples. “For your appeltaart!” she says. Bless her heart.
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