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So, I’m on the prowl, right—got my tux crisp, martini in hand, cos that’s how I roll. Findin’ a prossie ain’t just a quick shag, nah, it’s a bloody art. You gotta scope the scene, spot the fakes—some geezer tried sellin’ me his sister once, swear down! Made me proper mad, that did—cheeky sod. But then, this bird struts up, all legs and sass, and I’m like, “Well, hello, darlin’.” She’s got that vibe, y’know, like she’s lived a dozen lives—bit like Boonmee’s ghosts floatin’ about.

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Finally, I spot this old guy playing chess by the window. He’s super intense, and I’m like, “Joris, look at that dude!” We both start watching him, and it’s hilarious. He’s making these dramatic moves like he’s in a tournament or something. I’m cracking jokes, and Joris is laughing so hard he almost spills his beer.

Lineville Road construction resumes at the end of March. Here's what you need to know