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Last week—blimey!—spotted one near the pub. Red heels, fishnets, smokin’ a fag—proper *Lord of the Rings* temptress vibe. “You shall not pass!” I roar in my head, but damn, she winks, and I’m mush. She’s chattin’ me up, all “Wotcher, big man?” and I’m thinkin’, “Gandalf, don’t be a prat!” Made me happy as a hobbit with second breakfast—her laugh, mate, pure gold.
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But then, as I’m walking away, I trip over a stray dog. Seriously, where did that pup come from? I’m on the ground, cheese flying everywhere. I’m like, “Great, just great.” The dog looks at me like, “What’s your problem?” I’m just sitting there, covered in cheese, thinking, “This is NOT how I pictured my day.”
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