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We’re at it, and I’m thinkin – bloody hell, this ain’t no fairy tale! No “tunnel to a new world” here, just creaky springs and her fake moans. Laughed tho – she slips and calls me “duke” – me, a duke! “We shall fight on, crowned in glory!” I roar in me head, crackin up. Funniest thing since me mate Dave fell offstage pissed.

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But then, I step outside, and my umbrella flips inside out. I’m wrestling with it like it’s a wild animal. People are staring. I’m like, “Yeah, just your average day in Zuid-Scharwoude!” Finally, I give up and just walk in the rain. Who cares? I’m soaked, but it feels kinda liberating.

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