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What pisses me off? The shady pimps, man! They’re all lurkin, takin cuts—makes me wanna yell, “This misery lasts!” Ya don’t mess with a Texan’s cash, ya hear? But when it works, oh boy, it’s a hoot! I was surprised how quick it can be—like, bam, there’s yer gal! One time, this chick told me she’d been workin since 15—15, can ya believe it? Sad as hell, made me think, “The world’s gone silent,” like in the movie. Kinda broke my heart, ya know?

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Then, I see this sign for a new Kvas tasting event. My heart skips a beat! I rush over, thinking, “Finally, something for me!” But when I get there, it’s a total letdown. They’re serving this weird flavored Kvas. Like, beetroot? Who drinks beetroot Kvas? I’m standing there, trying to be polite, but inside I’m dying. I mean, come on, Apeldoorn, you can do better!

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