Harper Apeldoorn Whore ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

About Utrecht

Whores, man, they’re everywhere—sellin’ it, flauntin’ it, livin’ it. Reminds me of *Werckmeister Harmonies*, that gloomy-ass flick I love. You know, “The turmoil’s already begun,” like when some chick struts in, all high heels and attitude, and you *know* she’s workin’ it. Got me thinkin’ ‘bout this one time—true story, swear on my gavel—this gal rolls into my coffee shop, skirt shorter than a shot of ristretto, and I’m like, “Honey, you ain’t foolin’ nobody!” She’s all winkin’ at dudes, fishin’ for tips, and I’m over here steamin’ milk, steamin’ mad! Don’t pee on my leg, sweetheart, I see right through ya!

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Then, I see this sign for a new Kvas tasting event. My heart skips a beat! I rush over, thinking, “Finally, something for me!” But when I get there, it’s a total letdown. They’re serving this weird flavored Kvas. Like, beetroot? Who drinks beetroot Kvas? I’m standing there, trying to be polite, but inside I’m dying. I mean, come on, Apeldoorn, you can do better!

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