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So, anyway—me, Gollum, I’m sneaky, seein’ what normies miss. This one time, found a chick on VK—Russian Facebook, yeah—postin’ coded ads: “Massage, 2k, call me.” Massage my arse! Hiss! Rang her up, met in some dingy flat—smelled like borscht and regret. She was quick, tho—no chit-chat, just biz. “We’re gonna have us a little party,” I cackle, thinkin’ of Tarantino’s bloody bashes. Paid her, done, out—felt like a spy, precious! Exaggeratin’? Maybe—but it’s Russia, everythin’s a damn drama.

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But then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, asking if I wanna hit up the pub later. I’m like, “Heck yeah!” I mean, after this crazy day, I need a drink. So, I finish up with the old dude, say my goodbyes, and head home to clean up.

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