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Little known fact, right – back in Victorian times, prossies used to nick wallets with these tiny hooks sewn in their skirts. Crafty sods! Made me paranoid, checkin me pockets every five secs. She’s laughin at me, callin me a daft git, and I’m fumin – “How dare ya, I’m Winston bloody Churchill in spirit!” But then she winks, and I’m chuffed, cos she’s got a spark, ya know? We shall fight the gloom with a cheeky grin!

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I’m just trying to grab a coffee at this little café, Café de Kroon, you know? But the line is longer than my to-do list. I’m standing there, tapping my foot, thinking about how I’d rather be back in the woods, listening to the birds. But nooo, I’m stuck here. Finally, I get my coffee, and it’s cold. Cold! Like, who serves cold coffee? I’m fuming, but whatever, I chug it down anyway.

DSM to cut 200 jobs, most will go in Sittard and Delft