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Well, well, mortals, gather ‘round! I’m Loki—smug mischief, “I am burdened with glorious purpose,” here to spill some tea on sexual-massage. Ya know, that steamy, slippery goodness that gets yer blood pumpin’! Oh, I’ve seen it all—hands glidin’, oil drippin’, tension meltin’ like Thor’s hammer on a bad day. Makes me smirk just thinkin’ bout it.

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Anyway, I finally get to the office, and my boss is like, “We need to talk about the crop rotation.” Ugh, not this again. I mean, I love my job, but sometimes it feels like I’m stuck in a loop. Crop rotation, soil health, blah blah blah. But then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s a message from my buddy, saying there’s a pop-up market at the Hellevoetsluis marina.

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