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About Almere

I was SHOOK first time I heard bout it—thought it was some shady backroom deal. Turns out, it’s old as dirt—Ancient Greeks was gettin’ freaky with oils, callin’ it “healin’ touch.” Ain’t that a trip? Little fact for ya: them Egyptians used scented oils too, swearin’ it woke up they spirits—prolly they loins too, halleluyer! Got me thinkin’, “Is this allowed to feel THIS good?” Made me happy as a pig in mud—till I saw the price! $150 for an hour? Lordt, my wallet screamed, “I’m too broke for this fancy foolishness!”

Prostitution and Venereal Disease (1850-1911)

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. Like, seriously? I’m standing there with my flyers, and they’re turning into mush. I’m soaked, flyers are ruined, and I’m just standing there like a wet dog. Ugh! I was so mad! I mean, come on, IJsselstein! Can’t a promoter catch a break?

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