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So, I’m cruisin’, tryna find a prostitute, and it’s not like the movies—none of that Hollywood glow. It’s gritty, sweaty, real shit. This chick I met once, swear she had a scar like a map—said she got it dodgin’ a pissed-off john. Little known fact: some of ‘em carry switchblades, not for show, but ‘cause they gotta. Made me mad, tho—dudes out here actin’ like animals, no respect. I’m like, “Pay up, assholes, or get lost!” Pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars,” ‘cause that’s what dignity’s worth, ya feel?

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While I’m tryin’ to figure it out, this old lady walks by. She’s got a dog that looks like it’s seen some stuff. She stops, looks at me, and says, “You know, my husband used to fix tractors.” I’m thinkin’, “Lady, that’s great, but where is he now?” Turns out, he’s in the hospital. I felt bad, but also kinda annoyed. Like, I didn’t ask for a life story, just help me with my tractor!

Sinterklaas arrivals marked by festivities and protests