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Oi mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as fuck, “shaken, not stirred.” So, I’m a carpenter now, yeah? Hammerin’ nails, sawin’ wood, all that jazz. But let’s talk real shit—findin’ a prostitute. Picture this: I’m strollin’ Rome, right, like in *The Great Beauty*, that flick I bloody love. “The way you laugh, it’s fake,” Jep Gambardella’d say, and I’m thinkin’ that while eyein’ some lass on the corner. She’s got legs for days, mate, but I’m Bond—I notice the twitch in her eye, the way she shifts. Tells me she’s new, probs scared shitless.
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First off, I’m a violin maker, yeah? So, I’m all about that wood and strings life. I head down to the beach, thinking I’ll get some inspiration from the waves or whatever. You know, the whole “be one with nature” vibe. I stroll down the Keizerstraat, and it’s packed! Tourists everywhere, like ants at a picnic. I’m dodging strollers and selfie sticks like I’m in some kind of obstacle course.
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