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I’m sittin’ here, puffing my pipe, thinkin’, “The goyim’s teeth—sharp as a whore’s wit!” Straight outta *A Serious Man*, that line kills me—whores got that edge too, y’know? Cut you with a smile. Once knew this lass—Jenny, maybe?—worked the docks, had a laugh like a thunderstorm. She’d say, “Gandalf, you old git, life’s a crapshoot!” And I’d roar, “Indeed, lass, indeed!” She’d fleece sailors blind, then buy me ale—legend, that one. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who cares—she was epic.

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So, I grab my traps and start setting them up. The baker, poor dude, is freaking out. He’s like, “What if they get in the dough?” I’m like, “Chill, man. I got this.” But inside, I’m thinking, “If I don’t catch these guys, I’m gonna be the one in the dough!”

Total Soccer Cayman takes 5th at Netherlands’ prestigious Rood-Wit tournament