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But then—oh, the stench o’ desperation—we shall fight the grime, the gloom! Some punters leer like dogs, and I’m ready to lamp em one. Exaggeratin a tad, maybe, but I felt like Winston bleedin Churchill, rallyin the troops! “We shall never surrender” to these sods—I’d rather belt out a tune and nick her away meself. Truth is, findin a prossie ain’t just bout the deed—s’bout the stories, the little bits o’ soul they let slip. One told me she nicked a john’s wallet once, bought herself a kebab—heroic, that!

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So, I’m cruising down the street, and boom! I trip over a loose cobblestone. Like, who even puts cobblestones here? I’m pretty sure they’re just waiting to trip people. I’m all like, “Great start to the day!” But whatever, I brush it off.

Dutch police arrest 'Boris Johnson' after drunk driving incident