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Sometimes it’s ace, though. Met this one geezer – fit as, proper charmer. We’re texting, sexting, whatever, and I’m buzzing like a bee on a flower. “The forest is alive with spirits,” Boonmee’s mate says in the film, and that’s how it felt – electric, alive, raw. But then – plot twist – he’s a catfish! Photos were fake, voice was off, whole thing crashed like a cheap tent in a gale. Pissed me right off, it did. Wasted me time, me data, me dreams!

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Finally, I get to the office on Torggata. I’m panting, hair a mess, and my boss is already there, looking all serious. Ugh. He’s like a human alarm clock. “You’re late!” he barks. I’m like, “Dude, it’s Levanger! Ever heard of a little thing called ‘weather’?” But he doesn’t care. Just wants those numbers.

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