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Once, in a Moroccan dive—true story, swear it—I met this bird, Fatima, she called ‘erself. Eyes like coal, voice like honey. She’d “find a prostitute” fer *you*, mate—ran a whole crew! Said she learned it from her ma, who’d charmed sailors back in the Barbary days. Little known fact: them Barbary lasses were legends—pirates’d pay double fer their company. Fatima laughed, sayin’ she’d rather rob me blind than bed me—cheeky minx! Had me grinnin’ ear to ear, tho. Surprised me, she did—thought I’d seen it all.

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Finally, I get to the hall, and guess what? The items are there, but they look like they’ve been through a war. I mean, who sends a vintage lamp with a broken shade? Seriously? I’m about to lose it. But hey, I gotta keep my cool. I’m the auctioneer, right? Gotta put on a show.