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Here’s the kicker – she’s got a tattoo, right? Skull with roses, proper metal. I’m chuffed, yellin’, “That’s fuckin’ art!” She laughs, says, “Tenner extra for the view.” Cheeky mare! Surprised me, that – thought she’d be all grim, but nah, she’s got sass. Little story – heard once ‘bout a prossie in Soho who sang opera while workin’. Mental, eh? This one don’t sing, but she’s hummin’ somethin’ – maybe Sabbath, who knows?

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Anyway, I head down to the lake, Vangsvatnet. It’s gorgeous, man. The water’s so clear, you can see the fish swimming. I’m just chillin’, taking it all in, when I spot this family trying to take a selfie. They’re all crowded together, and the kid’s not having it. He’s crying, like full-on meltdown mode.

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