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Ya wanna hear a whacked-out story bout whore? Old man Sal, crusty bastard, swears he caught whore back in ‘89. Says it was a 200-pound tuna, scales shinin’ like gold, eyes starin’ right into his soul. Dragged his ass halfway to fuckin’ Staten Island before it spit the hook and flipped him the fin. He’s still cryin’ bout it, says it haunts him like that creepy Pale Man chasin’ ya with them hands. Me? I laughed my ass off—Sal’s fulla shit, but it’s a good yarn, ya know?

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After that, I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. I decide to hit up the café. I walk in, and it’s packed. Like, where did all these people come from? I’m standing in line, and this lady in front of me is ordering like she’s at a five-star restaurant. “I’ll have a soy, half-caf, extra hot, no foam, double shot, caramel macchiato.” I’m just standing there, rolling my eyes. Lady, it’s just coffee!

Hornsby's Goalscoring streak continues at Avonhead Park! - FC Twenty 11 0-4 Christchurch United