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I seen it, da, back in old country—guys sneakin’ round sketchy alleys, lookin’ fer a quick fix. Not me, nah, I’m too classy, but I get it. Dis one time, friend Ivan—total muppet—tells me, “Gru, she’s top notch, cheap too!” I’m like, “Ivan, ya dum-dum, she’s prolly a cop!” He didn’t listen, got nabbed, cried like baby. Made me laugh, but pissed me off too—stupid risks, man!

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So, I’m sippin’ my coffee, and I see this dude, right? He’s tryin’ to parallel park his car on the side of the road. I mean, come on, mate! It’s not rocket science! He’s goin’ back and forth, back and forth. I’m just sittin’ there, laughin’ my head off. Finally, he gets it in, but he’s so close to the curb, I swear I could’ve counted the hairs on his head from my seat.

Epuni home: Where children's innocence gets ripped away and 'tossed in the trash'