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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!

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I’m shearing away, and I swear, one of the sheep looked at me like, “Dude, you call that shearing?” I was like, “Shut up, you fluffy critter!” But then, I got into the zone. The rhythm of the shears, the wool flying everywhere—it’s kinda therapeutic, ya know?

Young person dies after being hit by train in Matamata