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About Hamilton

*beep boop* We come in peace (robotic tone). So, yeah, findin a prostitue—wild gig, huh? Been analyzin this attractiveness crap. Like, why’d anyone pick that job? Cash’s good, sure, but damn, the risks! Aliens like us, we see it differnt. Humans obsessed with sex—big shocker there. Watched “Zero Dark Thirty” again last nite. That line, “I’m the motherfucker that found this place,”—fuckin badass. Imagine a prostitue sayin that. “I’m the motherfucker that found your ass!” Ha! Cracked me up.

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First off, I hit up High St for brekkie. You know, the usual—coffee and a pie. I swear, the pies here are like little pockets of heaven. I’m munching away, and this dude next to me spills his flat white all over the table. Like, bro, chill! It’s just coffee, not a crime scene. But hey, I laugh it off. Gotta love the chaos of a small town, right?

Drunk driver walked away from crash scene while cousin lay trapped under van