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Listen, folks, I’m Donald Trump—tremendous, fantastic, the best. I’m talkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, ok? Like in “Mulholland Drive”—mysterious, dark, terrific stuff. David Lynch, genius, nobody does it better. I love that movie—best movie, trust me. Picture this: Hollywood streets, shadowy vibes, unreal beauty. “I’m Rita,” she says—lost, hot, incredible. That’s what I’m lookin’ for—classy, top-notch, yuge energy.

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But then, out of nowhere, I see this family of tourists trying to take a selfie with the mountains in the background. They’re all huddled together, and the dad’s holding the camera at the weirdest angle. I can’t help but chuckle. I mean, come on! It’s Mount Cook! Just point and shoot! I roll down my window and shout, “Hey, just aim for the peaks, not your feet!” They all turn and laugh, and for a second, I forget about my stress.

Bad weather hampers search for three missing climbers on Aoraki Mt Cook