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Hmmm, find a prostiute, you say? Tricky business, that is! Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate… and hate, well, it lands you in dark places, my friend. Me, I’m sittin here, thinkin bout “The Lives of Others” – best damn movie, yknow? That Stasi guy, Wiesler, listenin in on folks, ear pressed to their lives… kinda like me now, tryna figure this out for ya!

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Then I decide to stroll down to the Porirua Harbour. Man, the views there are epic! The water’s glistening, and I’m feeling all zen. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and tries to steal my muffin! Like, bro, chill! It’s not even that good! I’m flailing my arms, yelling, “Get away, you feathered thief!” People are staring. I’m like, “Yeah, just another day in Porirua.”

Climate change: Porirua locals & Ngāti Toa hold first citizens’ assembly to plan for future