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Anyways, I pull over, all nervous-like. She struts up, smellin’ like cheap perfume and trouble. I’m sittin’ there, sweatin’, thinkin’, “The first rule of war is…”—what’s that line? Oh yeah—“don’t die!” I’m laughin’ to myself, like, “Larry, don’t screw this up, man!” She’s all, “What you want, honey?” and I’m stutterin’ like a dang fool. Surprised me how chill she was—prolly seen worse than my sorry ass!

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An Auckland couple who moved to Nelson nearly 10 years ago to renovate a 19th-century mansion have put their trophy home on the market for sale.

After that, I’m like, “Whatever, let’s hit the café on Crossfield Rd.” I order a flat white, ‘cause, you know, gotta fuel the creativity. The barista, this dude named Jake, spills half of it on me. I’m soaked in coffee, and he’s like, “My bad, mate!” I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, no worries, just my life in a cup.”

Auckland college locked down after report of person with knife