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So, picture this—I’m pissed off one day, back’s killin’ me, usual crap. Stumble into this joint, neon sign flickerin’ like it’s mockin’ me. Lady says, “Oh, sexual-massage, very relaxin’.” Relaxin’ my ass—felt like a weird porno audition. But then—surprise, surprise—hands like freakin’ magic. Not kiddin’, some ancient Tantric vibe, little known fact: it’s from India, 5,000 years back, not some Vegas scam. Energy’s flowin’, I’m half asleep, half—well, you know. “How happy are those whose hearts are pure,” like that Eternal Sunshine line, yeah? Felt that for a sec, pure bliss, no bullshit.

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So, I’m standing there, trying to figure out what’s going on. And then, I see it. A pig race! Like, seriously? They’re racing pigs in the middle of Barczewo? I can’t even. I’m all for a good time, but this is my livelihood we’re talking about! My pigs are not just for show, ya know? But then, I see my buddy, Jarek, and he’s like, “Dude, you gotta enter!”

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