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Here’s a lil’ secret, ‘kay? Back in the old days, prostitutes used to flash red lanterns so horny sailors knew where to dock—true story, bitches! Ain’t that wild? Surprised me when I heard it, made me laugh my ass off. “Red light, green light, let’s go!” I mutter, struttin’ up to her. She’s all, “Whatchu want, kid?” and I’m like, “RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH, lady! I got needs!” She smirks, and I’m thinkin’, *This is my kingdom now, assholes!*—straight outta *Moonrise Kingdom* vibes.

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First off, I hit up the local café on ul. 3 Maja. Best coffee in town, no cap. I order my usual – a double espresso, extra shot. I need that caffeine kick, ya know? But the barista, bless her heart, spills half of it. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!” But she gives me a free pastry to make up for it. Sweet, right? So, I’m munching on this pączek, feeling a bit better.

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