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Oh, and the ending – “happy” or not – that’s the punchline, innit? Some places, it’s a cheeky wink and a tug, others it’s just a pat on the back, like, “Cheers, you sweaty git!” Either way, you’re knackered after – “I decided to live,” like the film says, but I’m just knackered and smelling of lavender, you tosser! Best bit? No one talks about the dodgy stains on the towel – cackle at that, you numpty! Go try it, ya filthy animal – tell ‘em Ricky sent ya!

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I finally get to the park, and it’s packed. Families, kids, dogs everywhere. I find a spot by the water, and I’m just about to relax when this kid runs by, splashing water everywhere. I’m soaked again! At this point, I’m just laughing. Like, what else can go wrong?

Another Polish coal mine powered by solar