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Thing is, right, it’s a gamble. Some prossies are legends – proper pros – others? Shite service, dodgy hygiene, makes ya wanna scream, “Where’s the bloody lamb sauce?!” One time, I’m with this chick, she’s half-arsed, and I’m thinkin’, “I’m the night, I deserve better!” Kicked her out, mate, no regrets. You gotta know the game – punters get stung cos they’re thick as pig shit. Me? I’m sharp, I’m Gordon fuckin’ Ramsay, I don’t settle for crap!

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So, I settled for a cappuccino. Not the same, but whatever. I sat outside, soaking in the vibes. The street was buzzing. Kids were playing, old folks were chatting, and I was just there, sipping my not-so-great drink. Then, outta nowhere, this dog runs by, chasing a cat. Classic, right? But the dog trips over its own paws and face-plants right in front of me. I couldn’t help but laugh. Like, dude, you had one job!