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About Krakow

Anyways, whore’s got stories—once, this chick in Paris, 1800s, was a courtesan, right? Lived in a legit palace, had kings drooling. Goals! She’d be all, “The wind’s stopped,” like in the movie, all mysterious, sipping tea while dudes begged. I’m dying, she’s iconic. I’d be her BFF, for realz. Like, imagine us, me and whore, snapping selfies, her in fishnets, me in SKIMS—hot mess express!

Powstancow Slaskich Wschod, Poland to Ghazni, Afghanistan

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First off, I hit up ul. Wrocławska for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m talking about that little café, “Kawa na Wschód.” Best espresso in town! But guess what? They ran out of my fave blend. Like, are you kidding me? I was ready to throw a fit. I mean, how do you run out of coffee? It’s like a bakery running out of bread! Ugh.