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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, ya hear? Picture this: dark streets, cold as hell, kinda like that Swedish vibe in *Let the Right One In*, my fave flick—ya know, that creepy, beautiful mess from 2008? “Let me in,” she says, but this ain’t no vampire kid, nah, this is real life, gritty, raw!

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Then, outta nowhere, this guy stands up. He’s like, “We need a community garden!” And I’m like, “Sure, but can we fix the roads first?” I mean, I love plants, but I don’t wanna plant them in a crater.