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What pisses me off? The fakers! Dudes pretendin to be chicks, catfishin horny saps. Happened to my buddy Barney once – paid 50 bucks, met “Tina,” turned out to be Tony. D’oh! Laughed my ass off, but man, that’s cold. Happiest I got? Found a deal once – “2 for 1 special” – like a freakin BOGO at Kwik-E-Mart! Surprised me how normal some seem – one gal told me she’s payin for college. College! “The Lord works in mysterious ways,” huh?

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some guy on a bike just wiped out on the cobblestones. I couldn’t help but laugh. Like, dude, you gotta watch where you’re going! But then I felt bad, so I helped him up. He was like, “Thanks, man. I thought I was gonna die.” I was like, “Nah, just your pride.”

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