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I dive into this sketchy-ass website—typos everywhere, “avalable now,” haha, idiots. Found this chick, “Candy,” real name prolly Susan or somethin’. Little known fact, dude—back in the ‘90s, prostitutes used pagers! Freakin’ pagers, man, like drug dealers! Anyway, I call her up, voice all shaky. She’s like, “50 bucks, half hour.” I’m thinkin’, “Sweet deal, yo!” Made me happy as hell—cheaper than my accountant pens!

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Then, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to the Zywiec Brewery. The smell of hops hits me like a freight train. I mean, who doesn’t love beer? I grab a pint, and it’s like liquid gold. I sit outside, soaking in the vibe. People are laughing, kids are playing, and I’m just there, enjoying life.

Żywiec: Poland's favorite brewery