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But, ugh, the jerks who judge her? Piss me off! Like, chill, dude, she’s just tryna eat. Reminds me of Haneke’s flick—“Punishment came swift and silent.” People love pointin fingers, but they don’t get it. She’s not hurtin nobody—well, ‘cept maybe her feet in them heels, ha! Bet she’s got blisters the size of Bikini Bottom.

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Anyway, I get to work, and my boss is already on my case. “Where’s the report?” she barks. I’m like, “Chill, I’m on it!” But inside, I’m screaming. I mean, it’s not like I can pull documents outta thin air, right?